Beyond the Expected: Navigating Spirituality, Fasting, and Self

Author: Ma Zron

June 7th 2025

   Spirituality has always been the cornerstone of my life, shaping every vulnerable moment, every challenge, and every lesson I've learned as a woman, mother, and daughter. My aim is to explore the core of these experiences, to be honest about the messy parts, and to share the insights I gain on this continuous quest for spiritual connection and genuine satisfaction. I'm fascinated by life's nuances, and I believe shifting our perspective is one of the most powerful tools for navigating it. 

   Growing up African American in Christianity was a core aspect of my experience. Both my parents were ministers in the Christian church and I attended an excellent Christian Liberal Arts College.  For us church wasn’t just a place you go it’s something you live out in every aspect of your life. However, because I had so many unanswered questions I couldn’t live authentically. Deep, authentic connections are fundamental to my experience of a fulfilling life.  So, I began exploring outside the confines of Christianity. This led me to studying things like astrology, tarot, human design, meditation, and somatics. As I searched for the truth, I started to realize there were so many aspects of myself that I wasn’t even aware existed. My journey to self brought me to my ancestors which led me to their traditional practices. I got my FA initiation, which is where you find out the age old question “Why am I here?”.  It was revealed that I have a deeply spiritual call and there are more initiations needed to help me fulfill my destiny. So a year later I initiated becoming a Vodoussi, receiving my name Mamassron.

Reflections (Spirituality & Fasting) 

   For some reason I thought that once I became a Vodoussi I would have this connection to spirit that would make everything make sense, but I know better, there’s no magic pill that will fix everything. Right now we are in the middle of Karem, which is a season of fasting which has brought up a lot for me. Fasting is something I’m familiar with from my childhood. My mother would fast and pray often on behalf of herself and others. She said she would experience so many breakthroughs with the regime. But for me, I range from indifferent to dread when it comes to doing a fast. 

   During this fast, I've been deeply reflecting on the nuanced line between investing in myself and simply suffering, as I actively oscillate between satisfaction and irritation. I have done various fasts in the past. I can’t say that I’ve ever been excited to fast or ever done one on my own. It’s always with a group. My main motivation to stick with it was FOMO (fear of missing out) or pride...shoulder shrug... What can I say I’m a Broadway with an Aries Sun/Venus. Competition and excellence runs through every fiber of my being. 

   Another thing you should know about me: I don't like being told what to do. I believe the “neuro spicy” community calls it authority opposition or something like that. Getting told how I’m supposed to love and connect with spirit, can rub me the wrong way. Shout out to that church hurt. So depending on where I am emotionally the way I view adhering to fasting/taboos guidelines can feel restrictive or freeing.

   Now don’t get me wrong, I have experienced shifts while fasting but nothing like something you would see in a movie. I am aware that having expectations based on movie-like results is western programming at its finest. I’ve done a lot of reprogramming already but on my journey I have discovered there’s always more to do. These days my energy for things that don’t feel aligned is practically non existent. I refuse to continue to struggle and suffer the ways I did in childhood and my 20s. After seeing my mom pray and fast all my life in Christianity and still struggle I know that combination alone will not yield the results I desire. 

   Coming from Christianity I am very triggered by blind obedience. Also I am deeply fascinated by how everything connects and affects each other. So when it comes to fasting I want to know what my sacrifices are doing. What are they signaling to Spirit? I’m not at the stage in my relationship with Spirit that I would do anything; which is painful because there was a time when that was all I knew, to follow whatever spirit said to do. There’s still a part of me that desires to be back in that space. A place of mutual love and trust. When you love someone you don’t always need to know the reason behind why they ask something from you, you’re willing to do it simply because you love them. All of the pain and suffering my ancestors experienced combined with my own life's experiences has made me feel like Spirit doesn’t care what I want or need.

   But like I said, I do want to get back to a space of true trust and love. I need a true deep connection though. I need substance. I need to really know who spirit is, and why suffering has been such a key component throughout history. And for that I have to keep engaging and being open to what is revealed.

   Before the fast started my spiritual Mother Mianon Ananassi told us to reflect and set our intentions for the things we wanted to get out of the fast. A couple of the things I put down was community and a deeper connection to my ancestors and spirit. My spiritual journey has been my main focus for the last 6 years. All of my relationships have gone through shifts and changes. I had numerous family members transition to my ancestral team including my parents. And life put significant space between me and my closest friends. 

   I finally feel like I’m integrating back into the world and I deeply desire regular human connection. My daddy kept telling me I needed to find my balance and I feel like I am starting to get that. Opening myself up and being vulnerable with you all has evoked a sense of closeness and community. Being open and honest about my journey and where I’m at has also made me feel closer to spirit. There’s open space for me to receive spirit’s messages. And today while I was walking I saw an elder that reminded me of my dad. I never lived in the same place as my dad so the hugs we would have when we reunited felt like a cold drink on a hot day. I had that sensation come over me and I naturally found myself saying hey daddy.

Khalil Gibran wrote in ‘The Prophet’, “Work is love made visible”

  Fasting is hard work physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  Earlier I wrote that I want to know what fasting is signaling to Spirit, and that quote is a satisfying answer to that question at this moment. The effort I put in to follow fast guidelines is my love for Spirit at work.

Sooooo maybe this fast stuff really does work for me after all lol…. 

   The spiritual journey is truly a spiral, and the longer you walk the path the more that is revealed. I’m excited to be walking this journey with you all.  Until next time, stay deeply present and inquisitive,

Ma-Zron