Grief: Where do we go from here?
Author: MamaSsron
Jul 5th 2025
It feels like betrayal to love you
Where’s the justice?
For all the pain and hurt and unnatural change that occurred
But I’ll die if I keep holding on…
That’s it isn’t it
You’re already dead and I’m keeping you alive
Trying to keep you alive
Because you’re gone
That life, that world isn’t going to happen for us
But that doesn’t mean we still can’t be happy
Because you’re a part of me
You’re wrapped in every fiber of my being
I have to release the decay of you
It’s not you
I’ve twisted the love and inspiration you gave into poison
All good things come to an end
Everything comes to an end
So new things can emerge
It’s time to become new
And yet there’s nothing new under the sun
So you’re not gone
I’m not gone
We’re new
It’s time to begin
I read somewhere grief is all the unexpressed love with nowhere to go. Over the last 6 years I have been processing grief on every level, from family members, platonic and romantic relationships, deep ancestral wounds, to different aspects of myself. At the beginning of karem I set the intention to connect deeper with my ancestors and spiritual gifts, as well as have a stronger community. To truly be able to have connection you have to be present and open, which means processing and moving through deep wounds. A little over halfway through the fast I woke up and had these words rush from my heart to my fingertips. As soon as I was done writing I gently fell back to sleep. This is something I’ve never experienced so I know that these words are pure.
Each time I read over the poem I see glimpses of all the different relationships and situations I’ve been grieving. The transition of my parents, elders, and younger cousin. The toxic romantic relationship that brought to the surface things that were hiding deep inside me. Friendships that I didn’t even realize would or could end. Ancestral wounds that began long before my soul incarnated in this body. It’s truly like being in an ocean. Sometimes the waters are smooth and I’m floating, and then other times I’m unexpectedly thrown and submerged into an all consuming inescapable depth of emotion.
I’m grateful for reconnecting with my ancestral practices like ancestral veneration because I have continued to foster my relationship with my family who have transitioned into the nonphysical. Which has been surprisingly/unsurprisingly easier to process than moving through the emotions that come from the grief of losing people that are still out there in the world living their life without me in it. Honestly though, the deepest pain has been realizing I have to let go of versions of myself that protected me through my hardest moments, as well as the person I dreamed of becoming at various stages of my life. It’s felt like a deep betrayal….
I held on to so much it began to drag me down into a darkness I almost wasn’t able to escape. But now I realize I was turning life into death, which is the opposite of my nature as a healer. I can’t do that to myself, or all the people that love me now, or those who loved past versions of me. When you love someone you want what’s best for them no matter what. You delight in the things that bring them joy. So I’m opening myself up to life and love again. And learning to appreciate the deep feeling of sorrow because it truly is a blessing to feel those deep degrees of pain because that means I also have felt, and will feel those same levels of love. Existence is cyclical. “There’s nothing new under the sun” has been a saying that keeps coming up for me during this time. I just need to continue to follow life’s path because light always comes after darkness. I hope that as you read this you experienced some calm in the waves you’re riding.
“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard”- Winnie the Pooh
Until next time,
Ma Zron
Visit our website @ www.divinefeminine.net
Join our community on Patreon @ www.patreon.com/haneera